|
[25 Apr 2005|03:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lonely |
] |
SiSi....I love you soo much and I really hope you know it. Even though we don't get to see eachother a lot anymore, or talk too much for that matter, you mean so much more to be then you'll ever know. I think about you every day and I hope you're doing well. You are my BEST friend and always have been. Since way before we fought over who got to be which B*Witched girl. haha. Soo many good times.
You're my honey bunch sugar plum
pumpky umpky umpkin
ur my sweetie pie
ur my cuppy cake gum drop
shnookums shnookums
ur the apple of my eye
i love you i love you i love you <33333
|
|
|
[20 Apr 2005|09:33pm] |
:-)
im so happy
and its surpassing my confusion and nervousness
<3
some people...are wonderful
she is wonderful
:)
|
|
|
[13 Apr 2005|05:30pm] |
i got a ticket and i may loose my license. im very upset. my car is bringing me such bad luck and it sucks.
i've been so back and forth between up and down this week.
it's really one of the worst weeks ever
but it's also really good cause someone's been putting me in such an amazing mood everytime i talk to them
i dont know. i just dooonntt knooow
|
|
|
[10 Apr 2005|05:44pm] |
someone reminded me livejournal existed and out of bordum i decided to update, though i dont have very much to say
nothing new has been going on, nothing too good at least.
lots of confusion due to my inablity to lay things out in the open. its been a growing problem and i hope i can stp it soon.
i should be telling you theres someone special but there really isnt. :-/ thats not meant to be mean. just honest for a change. and kim..its not that im lying cuz ive done good sticking to our pact, it's just that i hide stuff :) i have my ways around everything..
not being open is proving to be a problem. all of my flaws are proving to be a problem. but it seems whenever i try to honest, people cant accept it or appreciate it and i just end up hurting them and making them resent me. you'd think i'd be use to confusion by now, i've lived in it for so long:)
there's someone i can't get off my mind, and it's not a good thing. because my dream this time is soo far fetched and would cause so many problems. i hate being such a big dreamer. and i HATE always wanting what's so far out of my reach.
anyway im done
</3
|
|
|
[25 Feb 2005|07:58am] |
|
im getting a car!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
|
[22 Jan 2005|08:23pm] |
|
wow. i'm updating this for the first time in a reeally long time. i dout anyone will even see it but that's how bored i am. oh well.
well i hate it when it snows like this on weekends.
i'm stuck in the house. cold, alone and ridiculously bored.
i dont want monday to come due to the fact that my schedule changes and ill have another real class to be in. blah.
ummm nothing new of course
just staying busy with school work and the boy.
yep.
that's about all i have to say.
pretty damn exciting huh?
|
|
|
[31 May 2004|08:47pm] |
i just wrote something and then deleted it all
dont know what to tell you
dont know what to tell you at all
ask my si si, he knows.
where have all the friends u need to talk to disappeared to?
im happy. and not. very indifferent at the moment.
i need to get out of the house and cant
i think im
..ridiculous
|
|
|
[19 May 2004|08:26pm] |
if i had such a wonderful day, why am i so sad now?
perhaps cause it's almost over?
she's right, i AM spoiled. now that i've had a little, i never want to be away from it.
i have a secret that no one can get out of me and it makes me so happy.
i love my secret more then anything, it's keeping me so happy. i am such a lucky girl.
<3
|
|
|
[07 May 2004|08:10pm] |
I'm stuck home, grounded again. But who's to say I'd have anything to do even if I wasn't. I don't know if I'd be able to see the first person I'm going to see when I'm done being grounded.
A lot's been going on and then again...not much is new.
I've discovered someone amazing. Someone true
And for once I don't fear I'll find out the sad truth, and be disappointed, and haven got my hopes up for nothing.
I believe with everything I have in me that they're truer than true.
It feels wonderful to know there's someone like this person in the world. It gives me hope again.
I've been so completely open and honest. And for once I've held nothing back. And the best part is...I'm not worried about it one bit. I know I won't be let down. Things may chance, feelings may dissolve, we may drift, but I'll never regret this. No remorse ever.
I'm in disbelief that they know so much. and still care. And that I know so much, that they've actually told me.
They said a baby was unneccisary, they said they needed me. Needed me. I loved hearing that.
I love hearing so many things they say to me.
We've got plans. And whether they happen or not, (some may be a bit far fetched) I know we'll fulfill them in your minds. I know our hearts will be content and we'll go all the places we dream of and do all the things we spoke of, even if not realisticly. But reality isn't so scary right now. Reality, the part involving this person, is an amazing, amazing thing I never thought possible.
Hate my rambling?
I can't help it.
I'm happy.
Now all I need is a bit of freedom....tho I fear that'll be something I can only get in my mind as well.
Ah well.
As for right now, I am content.
"Every action, thought and feeling is motivated by an intention, and that intention is a cause that exists as one with an effect. … In this most profound way, we are held responsible for every action, thought and feeling, which is to say, for our every intention. "
|
|
|
[13 Apr 2004|04:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
head-achey |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
ani difranco- 32 flavors |
] |
Birthday Thursday. only twooo days ekkkk.
It's been a while since I've updated.
I'm done being grounded...scooore.
I'm suppose to be able to have a life now but nice compromsiing talks have once again provben to be pointless and not taken seriously. You are told what you want to hear and not a damn thing changes.
I need the boy to come to last period soon..very soon.
I'm pissed I forgot to give Jimmy my cell phone # again cause now I'm stuck sitting home again. Go me.
This sucks. And it sucks bad.
I looove having no friends and the ones I do have I can't hang out with.
I need April vacation, and I need it to be all I hope for it to be.
I hope the weekend after my b-day is good as well but guess what......I higggghllllllllly doubt it will ammount to much at all.
Gah.
Nothing new of course.
No more Adam in case you didn't know.
To much bordum right now. Faaaaarrrrr to much
|
|
|
[21 Mar 2004|08:05pm] |
breathe in...breathe out
these neccisary to life motions should not have to be mechanical.
when did i become so dependant on you?
why'd i let myself fall so deep into you...
i knew i'd regret it in the end.
is that what you wanted?
all i need is an explination. a reason.
not the tired excuses you give me
all i need is to hear you voice
and feel ur arms hugging me
all i need is you...
|
|
|
[21 Mar 2004|08:05pm] |
breathe in...breathe out
these neccisary to life motions should not have to be mechanical.
when did i become so dependant on you?
why'd i let myself fall so deep into you...
i knew i'd regret it in the end.
is that what you wanted?
all i need is an explination. a reason.
not the tired excuses you give me
all i need is to hear you voice
and feel ur arms hugging me
all i need is you...
|
|
|
[09 Mar 2004|09:08pm] |
we were just getting really close again and now he has to leave..
a year is far to long for such a good boy
he has yet to call back for my address :-/ i hope so much that he calls.
and doesnt leave...
this is awful
ill miss him so so much </3
|
|
|
[08 Mar 2004|02:36pm] |
at one point, yesterday couldnt of possibly been much worse.
by last night, i couldnt of asked for a better day.
i hung out w/ brother tim after a boring morning.
then went to the mall with JIMMY
saw caiiit
then hung out with brother riiiiick
then saw my adam
what more could i have asked for?
for the day to keep repeating itself perhaps :) other then that, it was fabulous.
and today wasnt to bad either
|
|
|
[21 Feb 2004|10:28am] |
update for lover, once again ;)
i'm scared. things seem to be changing..going downhill. im dying to get his call and to see his face. im dying for him to tell me nothing's matter, nothing has changed, i've just been busy and grounded. I fear I won't hear those words. But I need to.I need those words as much as I need him.
vacataion at last.
hung out w/ pat and alan last night. good time.
aimee fell asleep so couldnt see her.
that's all.
|
|
|
[11 Feb 2004|04:49pm] |
I'm coming to the painful realization that I can't help what happens.
So for now, we'll be.
:) He's my favorite and I shall no longer let my fears ruin my right now.
HE is my right now. And with that, I am content as content can be.
|
|
|
[10 Feb 2004|04:33pm] |
|
What is a best friend you ask?
All the things YOU are NOT.
So I DO believe best friends can be seen very rarely and still have a huge impact. I've got proof. I have one of them myself.
On the other hand, I DON'T believe a best friend is someone you not only see or talk to, but someone you wouldn't call if you were in trouble or needed someone to talk to.
Call me stupid but I always thought best friends were suppose to be dependable and available? Am I very wrong?
I'm not denying the fact that I've had my times when I've not only been a GOOD friend, but I've been a HORRIBLE friend. Haven't we all had those moments? So I can accept them as they come but I also EXpect them to...GO.
Is that to much to ask cause it sure seems like it lately.
I mean...I've tried time and time again but I refuse to continue with all my efforts when someone puts forth NONE.
Now would you consider this harsh? Certainly not.
I thought you learnt this in first grade but maybe you failed out of that year..
Treat others as you wish you be treated.
Give shit, get shit. 3 fold. 100%.
I'm done trying. The pressure's on you. It's not in YOUR small hands and the choice is all yours and yours alone.
Surely there's got to be something better than this.
If not...why the hell do I exist at all?
|
|
|
[02 Feb 2004|08:11pm] |
|
i'm updating for my lover since she is so fabulous and all. i suppose it has been a while, i've kind of lost track of time lately.
so quite honestly, things are going good.
i'm still with Adam and we're wonderful as ever.
School is oookay. not doing so well but i hope to do better w/ the new semester starting and all.
I'm aspiring to get off probation real early..like in a few months. I got my old PO back so once I show him how good I am then I should be free again. It's ridiculous.
I hope to hang out with Aimee Thursday or Friday. I haven't hung out with her forever cause she's working and has drivrs ed and supposidly I'm over Adams to much :-P
I really miss having my brother around. He just got his car back so I hope to see him more now. He's coming over tonight so my mom can help him with his taxes. I want him to just come over to visit some day but we'll have to see about that.
So though I've been well, I'm dwelling on the past a wee bit. Not badly, I just miss some of the people though I know I'm truely better off without most of them.
I just miss Shauna, E.B., Corinne and Amy. B*Witched and the dances and "the Craft" and just the 4 of us. Together day after day being childish and having fun like we were suppose to. I guess we've all just grown up as we're suppose to, but I sure miss that. Lying about trips to the movies to sneak off and meet cute, older boys. So harmless in our eyes but now so repulsive.
I guess I'm rambling about all the things you guys care nothing of. I guess that's why I have avoided updating cause I kind of figured this would happen.
Anyway.
Eb. I miss you tons and our old days. Where the hell ya been lately?
Aimee. I'll ALWAYS have time for you. Just tell me when.
Corinne.
And though she'll never see this. Shauna. I thought our conversation was real. Apparently you forgot we ever had it cause I've yet to hear back from you, nevermind see you.
Lover. Be well. I've missed you tons and you'll do good whatever decision you make. Stay strong and stay great, I'm here whenever you need me.
|
|
|
[04 Jan 2004|07:52pm] |
|
he's nothing but trouble
|
|
|
[04 Jan 2004|06:22pm] |
i saw him today
and i saw him coming with me to drop off beth all over again
and me hurting her unintentionaly tho i must of had a clue
i saw him "tripping over his pants"
and us laying in the grass on the hill
i saw the stars we looked at and heard our conversation
i heard him telling me my bf and best friend both betrayed me
he was honest. he cared.
he told me not to care about peoples shit so much.
i saw my tears and his hands wiping them away
i felt his embrace and his breathe as he whispered good night
i remembered the walk to her house that i dreded, w/ him by my side
and my confronting her and her lies..
her confession and finally my forgetting about it
i remember that that night was the begining of something great
and the end of something i didnt need.
i saw me running out of my house in the pouring rain
i agrily stormed through it, no idea where i was headed
i walked for hours and it felt like seconds
i could of walked all night
as i passsed the bu stop, it pulled out. and who got off the bus but him.
my glasses were covered with tears and rain,
my face twisted with anger.
he wiped them off and took me in.
setteled me down and let me go off...
where he'd come meet me later.
i saw her bringing me to his house and him taking me in with open arms
his mother and him sat me down and once again, dried my tears
they gave me a blanket and his sweetshirt for warmth
and they gave me the phone to avoid getting in trouble.
their efforts turned out useless and my ride was on its way.
but they hid my face well and did what they had to.
even thru all the sorrow, i miss those people and those days and i wish i could just go back.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
chickenisgood's journal